I have been thinking about this blog for weeks now. In fact I started this blog nearly four weeks ago and have struggled through what I want to say… I’ve been struggling with the pain and loss that I endured in January and February. It was hands down probably some of the darkest days I’ve ever had…. at least as far as my memories allow me to recall.
I had a whole paragraph here of allowing the people who hurt me to have a pedestal, and decided that really they don’t deserve that attention or energy from me. So I deleted it. *pats self on the back for a good moment self awareness*
Looking beyond the pain of January and February, we looked forward to a pandemic. I obviously don’t need to tell you that the crap we’ve had to deal with through this has NOT been easy. All of us have struggled through it in some way or another. Whether loss of socialization, health, job, you name it…. it’s been felt by literally each and every one of us.
People keep talking about moving forward in to 2021 like its a fresh start…. but its not. We have a lot to work through with this pandemic. And then even just getting to normal life. But, as a human race we always perservere, and I have no doubt that life will get back to some sort of normal soon, and I’m so looking forward to that.
But back to reflecting…. this last year has been incredible. Through chaos at work, homeschool, and starting a new life with Matt, its been a whirlwind. But honestly, in a good way. I’ve learned a lot at work with everything we’ve been doing to fight this pandemic. I’ve been learning how strong our organization is and focused on the health of our employees and our community. I’ve had an amazing time with Marley through the struggles of homeschool. Learning how much I truly appreciate our teachers…. have you listened to the kids on their Google Classroom calls?! Hahaha…. omg I wanted to reach through the screen at some of them!!! And the teachers just calmly try to course correct. Through so many canceled races and trips, I’ve learned to slow down and appreciate some of the smallest things. I’ve worked hard at establishing my relationships and friendships with people on more personal level, and not through social media, and it’s amazing!! I haven’t been on Facebook in a few months now and I truly feel closer to friends than I have in the past. I’ve learned who my real friends are and how to appreciate those who care about me too. And then there is the changes in home life…. moving in with Matt. A man I thought at this time last year would have no part of my future. And now I couldn’t be happier and cannot imagine now my life without him. We have learned to find a balance in managing a household together with two strikingly different personalities and methods. Hahah!!
So while there has been so many negatives in 2020, there’s been a lot learned. A lot gained. A lot to appreciate. And I can’t help but be grateful for it. The losses we’ve had through this pandemic cannot be dismissed or overlooked. But if there was any silver lining…. this is it for me.
Lydia the Confused Athlete 